As a spy, camouflaged in my anonymity, greedily assumed all the concepts, all the little mysteries of that world that ever fascinated me more.Thanks to a particularly interesting intervention, I met a master. A real one. The day we left to meet, the pulse was beating frantically. It's one thing to fantasize, and another very different to confront reality. We'll connect right away. He is a gentleman, a master, a true master, and a wonderful person. By circumstances that we cannot control, neither he nor I, our relationship lasted only 20 days. 20 scarce days to discover my Submission, but they were enough. Now, I have the honor of having you as a guardian.He told me about the "submissive essence", which in short is the deep desire to achieve one's happiness through the happiness of the master. Was that really what I felt, or did I just fantasize about some more or less hard sex sessions? Did you want to "be" submissive, or "play" to be submissive?Two months ago I didn't know. Now I do. Okay, it's probably an exaggeration to say that I no longer cared. Istill carried a lot of anxiety about it, but the thing is, that anxietywas no longer a block. I was finally ready, and from here on out, Iwasn't going to let anything stop me.Where I live (Canada), we are extremely fortunate that SRS is covered byour public health insurance, but, in order to QUALIFY for coverage, thereare about a thousand hoops you have to jump through first. And I was onlypoised for hoop number one. I had a long way to go.Hoop number one was simply to get a foot in the door of the Adult GenderIdentity Clinic at CAMH in Toronto, which at the time was the onlyfacility in the country authorized to recommend approvals for surgery.The waiting time: ten months. Ten fucking months. Gads.(Even then - two years ago - the system was woefully overtaxed, and ithas since gotten worse. By the time I was close to the end of my ownprocess, the waiting period had increased to almost 2 years, which, in myhumble.
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